Christmas Time at the OK Corral

Well nothing is okay, including Christmas time.  I almost hate Christmas, it stresses me out, no money to give gifts.  I have felt recently how much a release death would provide.  I have felt only failure that I have never been able to achieve anything meaningful in my life, that I fail at everything.  More of the time I feel like this, more and more and more.   I am 59 and a failure.